Day 12...I love

Observation Sundays. Taking the time to look back over the week makes such a difference. Especially those weeks when I haven't felt like much has changed, or those weeks I may have been a little ornery (even though that's unusual for me, sometimes it does happen!).

Take yesterday for example. I felt like the week hadn't been that successful until I started writing about it, once I noticed some things had disappeared from my life I realised that it had indeed been a good week. It just didn't develop in the way I had anticipated it would.

And trust me, we always want things to come into our lives, but sometimes things just need to leave our lives instead, that way it creates a space for something new to enter.

The other reason I love Observation Sundays, is because once I've acknowledged my progress - because lets face it, as long as I keep taking the steps, I consider myself to be making progress - it is incentive for me to keep on working hard and to stick with it.

So, this morning, I jumped out of bed at 5:00am - okay, jumped is a bit of an exaggeration, I rolled off the edge, and once I hit the floor woke up pretty quickly - and instead of trying to get back to sleep I went off to my first 6:00am hot yoga class.

I was pretty proud of myself. I've always been a morning person, but for the last few years that has changed and it takes me a long time to get going after waking. Not this morning. By 6:10 I was doing downward facing dog with the rest of the over-enthusiastic crowd. I felt like I'd just been admitted to a club that had previously had its doors closed to me.

But the best thing about it is that by 8:30am, I'd done an hour of yoga, walked the dog, had breakfast and put the washing on. Now that is a great way to start the day. Now, I'm off to build a wooden fence in the backyard. Not bad for a days work.

So you see what a day of observation can do? Yes, it creates little miracles.

DAY 19... Confessions

Before I bare my soul for all to see, did you see the number in the title? 19... Yes, I am in the teens now. Getting closer and closer to number 1. Remember, that's the first day of the rest of my life.

I am excited that I have made it this far. When I embarked on this journey, I wasn't sure whether I would make it through the first day or even the first week, it was very daunting for me. Turns out in some ways it's been easier than I anticipated and in some ways harder. Like I've said before, I only think the 'easier' happened because I thought about it for so long and it was the right thing to do at the right time.


Also, I had my BFF 'the Universe' on my side. I told you, 'the Universe' is a great friend to have.

However, when I started this blog, I also told you I was going to be totally honest and accountable, so it's time for a confession.

Now, hold onto your horses, I have not cheated on the eating plan. I can safely attest that not one morsel of cooked food or animal product has passed my lips. Not a grain of processed sugar, or processed flour, or processed anything has even come close to my mouth. No caffeine, no alcohol and definitely no Parmigiano Reggiano (see my previous post on Parmigiano http://pinkpassionflower.blogspot.com/2010/03/what-am-i-doing.html).

Although I did find myself on the kitchen floor the other day with my nose deep in the empty jar that used to be filled with ground coffee beans, sucking up the last remnants of coffee flavour left in the pores of the glass. And if that's wrong, then go ahead, throw stones at me, because I loved every minute of drawing that coffee aroma deep into my lungs and pretending I was holding a warm cup in my hand and drinking in it's rich flavour. Even the dog was looking at me strangely, but I do what I have to in order to stick with this.

Can you tell I'm stalling? Anyway, so there's no confession to be had regarding food. Yoga however might me a slightly different story. Yup, I haven't quite made it to yoga for the past few days...er... um... 4 to be exact.

Now, in my defence, I have still walked once sometimes twice a day and I have still done my ab and weight work at home. I just didn't quite make it to the yoga studio. Let me tell you why.

By the end of last week, I needed the jaws of life to cut me out of my Lululemons. I'm not kidding. My body was so sore, and so tired, I actually could not take my sweaty, stinky, clingy yoga clothes off on my own.
I could not physically cross my arms over my body and grasp the ends of my top to lift it over my sad, sweaty, salt encrusted head. My legs declared war on anyone who was going to try and make them step out of the pants they were in and then step into something clean and dry and nice.

Yup, my body just said ENOUGH! Enough damn you, I'm not standing for this a minute longer. I braced for the revolt.

And so, while I know that sometimes we need to push ourselves harder to achieve our goals, I'm also learning to listen to my inner voice and my body and I figured, this poor frame that lugs me around all the time deserved a little long weekend. A respite from the hot, sweaty, stinky yoga room it didn't ask to be taken to every day. And quite frankly, I think it's thanking me for that now.

So there you have it. My confession. You can judge me, or not judge me, that is up to you. But if you are wondering why there is a picture of an incredible sunrise at the top of this post. The kind of sunrise you only see in big sky country mind you, it's to remind me that at the dawning of a new day, you always have the option to make better choices.

What's past is past. But now, Today, everything can change.

(Photo - mine)

DAY 20... Observations

Today is a happy and a sad day. Not sad exactly, but rather wistful - full of vague longing.

It's a happy day because not only have I hit the half way mark of my 40 day raw food challenge, but it's Sunday. And, you know how I love Sundays because it means another week has passed and I have survived, excelled and completed some obstacles. Did you hear I said HALF WAY? I can't believe it.

It's wistful because it's Easter Sunday and we will not, I repeat NOT be having an Easter egg hunt. Actually I am not a big chocolate fan, so it's not a huge deal and is surprisingly one of the easier things for me to give up. But, the reality is that I didn't prepare in time so I don't have any raw chocolate goodies waiting to be hidden - fortunately this happens again next year, so at least I have enough notice to get it together for then!

The other reason I'm a little sad is because you know how I like as many celebrations a week as I can fit in right? Well my end of week and my half way mark landed on the same day today - how sad, so I will just have to have one giant celebration and it will be tonight with another buckwheat pizza. I've already halved the recipe so I don't overeat like last time! (See my post from Day 30 http://pinkpassionflower.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-30-yes-you-can.html)

But, enough about that. Let's look at my observations after week three. And, let me tell you, it's been a bit of a challenging week. I thought after I had survived week one it would all be plain sailing. Yup, you thought so too. Well no, apparently it doesn't actually work that way.

I've been, dare I say, a littler ornery this week. Not much mind you, but just enough to be slightly irritating to myself. Hmm, perhaps that is why hubby's walks have been slightly longer, I'm not sure.

My skin which had started to shine a little, took a giant leap backwards and I've had breakouts the whole week.

Daily yoga seems to be getting harder not easier. Trust me, my legs are crying right now, you just can't hear them.

I'm enjoying walking more than ever though.

The sun is shining and I'm loving the feeling of those rays massaging my skin and running its fingers through my hair.

The weight slowly and steadily keeps going down - now who wouldn't be happy about that? Little by little, step by step.

I am more able to live in each moment. Not worrying about the next meal, or the next challenge, but instead I am taking each few hours of the day as a little victory. If I drink more water, it's a victory. If I get through breakfast, it's a victory. If I get to 4pm and I've only snacked on fruit, it's a victory. This way instead of berating myself about what I could have done better, I'm praising myself for what I know I did well. I think this is a good life lesson I will have to return to and explore in detail.

I'm experiencing some awesome sleep together with some turbulent sleep. However, even on the turbulent nights, the first 3 or so hours I'm dead to the world. Again, I see this as a victory not a defeat. It can only get better from here right?

I am more energised. Not bouncing off the walls, but every day it seems a little easier to get through the afternoon without wanting to fall over.

I realise that one of the keys to maintaining a raw food diet is preparation. You really do have to think ahead, make sure your fridge and pantry are stocked and plan, plan, plan. Especially if you are going out. Always have water and snacks with you. It will stop you racing off to find something you shouldn't eat.

So, all in all, I think it's a successful half way. Now go off and find some Easter eggs with my name on them and gobble them up.

DAY 25... The sun shone brighter

Today. Which is how I like it. After my grey sky day yesterday I woke up ready to tackle the universe. Okay, so maybe 'tackle' is a strong word, let's face it if my sparring partner is the universe, we know who has the leverage to win, and I'm not that stupid. If I'm going to take someone on, I have to at least have half a chance of winning.

Nevertheless, I looked the universe in the eyes and said 'you will not beat me, I will win this' or something to that effect. I might have hung my head a little and mumbled as I said that, just in case the universe decided on a quick retribution.

Then I went out for my morning walk. I lengthened my gait, increased the tempo of my stride, held my head just a little higher, thrust my jaw forward, swung my arms a little more determinedly and definitely, definitely mumbled to the universe under my breath.

Yesterday might have been a hurdle, but today I was going to show that hurdle just how high I could jump. I sat down and re-read all the goals I had written down before I started this little journey. Goals are important when you venture into the land of Raw, they remind you what you are aiming for. They help you navigate the over abundant obstacles of cabbage and carrot and kale. They remind you why you started this crazy little journey in the first place. They set you straight.

I went to yoga and did the 90 minute class instead of the 60 minute class. Yes, I was going to get as much stinky sweat out of me as I could before thrusting my jaw in the general direction of the universe again and mumbling 'look here buddy, I will win'.

And now I'm going to celebrate.

Why? Because today I looked frustration and weakness and anger and lethargy in the face and I out-stared all of them.

Why? Because I can, simple as that.

Why you ask? Because in the words of Maya Angelou - I am woman, Phenomenal Woman. http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/insp/maya.htm

(Photo by Robby M - Australia)

DAY 28...About yoga

Yoga continues be one of those very confusing things to people, so I thought I would take the opportunity to throw my two cents into the mix.

There really are many different types of yoga and most people don't understand that. I regularly ask friends what kind of yoga they do and they say 'well, you know, yoga - yoga'. But, all yoga is not created equal and that is important to realise. There are many different reasons to do yoga and many different styles to choose from.

Before you read any further, you should know I have a very firm belief about yoga, and it is that yoga chooses you. By that I mean I believe that the yoga you fall in love with is the yoga that you are supposed to do. It is the yoga that is tailored for your needs physically, spiritually and mentally. I say this because I've often heard people say they have tried yoga and hated it. I think the style they chose just wasn't the right one for them. But hey, that's just my take, I'm no expert.

I have however tried many different styles of yoga and I've hated many of them. Often I would arrive at class believing I was doing something great for my mind and my body and I would leave wondering why I had wasted my time.

Those styles just weren't the right ones for me, that doesn't mean they won't be right for you.

But I told you, I forge ahead, that's what I do, I forge, so I continued with my quest. This yoga thing was not going to beat me.

One day however I walked into a Kundalini yoga class. I have no idea why I went, but shortly after I sat down everyone started chanting and singing. I wondered how quickly I could pick up my mat and sprint to the door before anyone opened their eyes and noticed me missing. I could see another yoga experience quickly going down the drain in front of my very eyes.

But, I was too embarrassed to leave, so I ended up pretending I was chanting along while feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Half way through the class, I realised something had happened. I was calm, I was serene, I was happy, I was shining. I still had no idea what I was doing, but I was loving doing it. I walked out of the studio in a daze, my head was in the clouds, I didn't care about anything except doing more of this, I could have stayed there the whole day.

To this day Kundalini yoga remains my passion. It is the yoga of my heart and my soul, the yoga that brings light to my eyes and puts a spring in my step. It is the yoga I love. And while Kundalini is a physical yoga, it doesn't feel that way to me, instead it just feels like it fills me up with light and with love.

So, I also do Hot yoga (you can substitute Bikram, Hot, Moksha) here. The styles I just mentioned do not all conform to Bikram's 26 postures, but they are similar in format and are all practiced in a hot room. You'll have to see which works best for you.

Hot yoga is not the yoga of my soul, but it is the yoga of my body. Where Kundalini feels like a bubble bath with candles and a glass of champagne, Hot feels like running a marathon. Where Kundalini feeds my spirit and heals my psyche, Hot yoga pushes my physical limits. Most importantly, Hot yoga makes me sweat. It makes buckets of water leech from my skin and run in streams onto my mat.

Let me tell you, when you are detoxing and trying to change your eating patterns, sweating your little heart out helps a lot. While you are ridding your body of all the rubbish it has accumulated, it feels great to sweat it out.

Now, don't get confused, Kundalini helps to draw the toxins out of your system too. However for me having that intense sweat helps me to flush the bad stuff out and feel good doing it. So I highly recommend any form of Hot yoga along with Kundalini while you are doing your detox. You really will notice a difference.

So, that's what I do. I believe I am drawn to those two styles of yoga because they are the right ones for me. They talk to me physically, mentally and spiritually. Now my one friend, he's an Ashtanga guy, you can't drag him away from Ashtanga. My other friend, she's an Iyengar girl, she will fall on her sword for Iyengar.

You have to just go on and give it a shot. Try different styles, try different teachers and somewhere out there, you'll find the one that's right for you, the one that gently whispers your name. Don't give up because you didn't like one class. The benefits you will reap from yoga will be priceless down the line.

Day 39...Not a good start

I woke up from a great sleep, had a glass of water and promptly threw up. While I was contemplating the shape of our toilet bowl, I realised that my body felt as if it had been run over by a herd of wild camels who had kindly left the rancid taste of a thousand desert winds in my mouth. (This is a picture of the marauding band of wild camels who ran over me while I slept).

Not exactly the kind of GREAT DAY I was planning.

I don't know if it was the coffee withdrawal - I'm sure that accounted for the pounding headache - but surely one day of vegetables can NOT make you feel this bad. And, it's not like I haven't done yoga before. Okay, so I've missed a few months, but jeez, I hurt from the top of my head to the rounded tip of my Chanel Blackberry painted toes.

I couldn't even bring myself to walk the dog, so I let her walk herself, (okay, don't be silly, my husband walked her) managed to keep down some gorgeous globe grapes and then dragged myself off to another yoga class. I've told you before, if one cheese is good and three is better, then it must follow that if one yoga class kills you, three must bring you back to life!

Anyway, I promised myself and maybe a few other unnamed people that I would do yoga every day of my cleanse. And, that's exactly what I plan to do. Unless I feel like I am going to die. Now, that isn't a cop out. It's just that, call me crazy, if I'm going to projectile vomit, or faint, or make strange gassy sounds because I ate a whole farmers market for breakfast, I'd like to do that in the privacy of my own home, instead of surrounded by hot, sweaty, overenthusiastic yogies.
I prefer my humiliations to be private - I know, like I said, call me crazy.

But, somehow I survived yoga, without any of those humiliations and now I'm just going to try and make it through the rest of the day.

Thank goodness for tomorrow.

DAY 40....The Beginning..

And if you are confused about why I am starting at day 40, read my post from yesterday.

My day started a little earlier this morning. The sun streamed into my room with unseasonably bright light and I jumped up rearing to go. It felt like a birthday, or Christmas or any day you wait for and are excited about, and I guess in some way it is. Taking care of myself and managing my health is really the best present I could ever give or receive.

Today has gone surprisingly well. I avoided my early morning coffee craving by taking a brisk walk - replace the behaviour, replace the behaviour (I'm hearing psychologists in my head!) and it seemed to work.

Then there was breakfast, which tasted surprisingly yummy - I didn't know how excited I could get about soaked oat groats - who am I kidding, I had no idea what an oat groat was until last Friday, so I didn't know if it would be worth being excited or not. But they tasted good. One thing I noticed straight away is how soluble our processed diet is and now insoluble raw food is.

I chewed and chewed and chewed... not kidding, breakfast took about 30 minutes and my jaw was slightly numb at the end of it.

But.... I didn't even think of food again until lunch, which is a miracle in itself and even then, I was hardly starving.

Actually, even if I was starving, I'd hardly starve, there's enough meat on this puppy to keep me going for a while, but you know what I mean. As soon as you hear detox, or cleanse, or diet, or change, you imagine you'll be figuring out creative ways to make one grape last a whole morning and by the time you start looking longingly at your toenail clippings and wondering about their protein content, you either start crying or run from the house to the nearest fast food place knowing you've just failed.

However, this time I think I am bound for success. I am however questioning whether I should have called this blog - Chewing my way through 40 days - but I'm not complaining, I'm just pleasantly surprised. I even had enough energy to drag myself off to an afternoon hot yoga class and didn't pass out or throw up the whole way through. So, even though I left the yoga class with the taste of potato chips in my mouth (and I can still taste them, even though I've just eaten an abnormally large amount of salad) I consider that to be two successes in one day.

For now though, I'm taking my energised mind and my tired beaten body off for some bath and book time and we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Oh, and FYI, when I do yoga, I'm wailing, sweating, cursing under my breath and wondering why I took the class and I look nothing like this beautiful photo! (photo by Aaron Neifer)