DAY 4 ... How Martha Stewart saved my marriage

It's true, and it's the reason I was a little sad to start a raw food challenge.

You see, I came to the kitchen very late in my life. Lots of reasons really. I was never passionate about food, I was always surrounded by people who loved to cook, I was vegetarian, I was super fussy so if it didn't come in the form of a salad, a cheese and tomato sandwich, or tomato soup I wasn't really interested. Basically cooking just did not grab my attention and it's not like I was starving. I did pretty well without ever turning on the oven.

And then, I got married.

The first few weeks of marriage, I heard that question that sends shivers down the spines of women around the world daily. It made my throat go dry and the hair stand up on my arms. 'What's for dinner?'.

I hated those three little words. Boy, did I hate them.

I hated them as much as the five words that often followed. 'It's not like my mother's .......' Substitute any dish on the face of the planet.

'Why didn't you marry your mother?' was my normal response, until I realised this was going to be a very long battle, and I should just get it over with and figure out how to find my way around food.

Normally, I would run straight to my mom, and she would make me tea, envelop me in her love and commiserate, then take me into her kitchen and show me some tricks. The only problem is that my mom lived thousands of miles away on a different continent.

So I did what any self respecting modern North American woman does, I turned to TV. I watched Emeril, and Top Chef religiously and then I discovered Martha Stewart.

Martha walked me through roasting a chicken (I had never touched raw chicken before, remember I was a vegetarian), she showed me what to keep in my pantry and how to plan ahead (sometimes, I still break into a sweat about that) and even got me to make a pork loin (which it just so happens was better than my mother in laws!).

And, just as I was building up my kitchen arsenal, the Kitchen Aid, the Cuisineart, the pastry cutter, the meat thermometre and the silpats. And, just as I was learning (somewhat) how to get the starch and the meat out at the same time without one being burnt or one being cold, I decided to go raw.

So, you can understand there is a little nostalgia. It's like going to university and quitting in your final year.

I have to thank Martha Stewart for saving my marriage, but if I'm honest, these days, it's also quite nice to only worry about whether the dressing has blended enough before I dress the salad.

(Photo - Wikimedia)

DAY 5 ... Carrots and eggs

I said I was going to juice more this week and I have been. Well, a little bit, still not as much as I would like to. I asked hubby to buy me some carrots to add flavour to my juice. I must have been mumbling or something, because he came home with a 10 pound bag and then promptly went on a business trip. Ten pounds just for me, are you kidding me?

Normally I would have a simple solution - carrot cake - and lots of it, which would make everyone happy. Not this time though.

If I had a rabbit - which I wish I had by the way - we would still struggle to get through it. So guess which juice I'm drinking this week?

Yup, 4-5 carrots, one apple, and a 'top of your thumb joint' piece of ginger makes a delicious drink. Actually it's delicious the first time. By the time you have had 6 of them, you start feeling a little um, well, nauseous is a good word. I keep looking at my hands, but they haven't turned orange yet.

At least I'm getting my beta carotene and anti oxidants.

But really, I'm just avoiding the truth here. My chatter about carrots is to hide the real issue.

The real issue is that all I have been able to think about today is having a poached egg on Saturday morning for breakfast. Actually I've been debating whether I will be able to stop at one, or will splash out and have two.

And you know what a poached egg means don't you. It means toast too. You can't just eat them on their own, it wouldn't be right.

I just can't help myself okay. This 40 days suddenly seems like a very long time. And, I can hear those eggs and those little poaching pods calling my name every time I walk into the kitchen. I've shoved them to the back of the drawer and turned the music up louder so I can't hear them, but they keep calling.

What's a girl to do?

DAY 6 ... Observations

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday - love it. So, what have I observed this week.

After falling off the yoga bandwagon, I pulled myself up and got right back on. My body might not be thanking me now, but it will down the road. It felt really good to get back into class. I still agree with my decision though - when your body needs a break, you should give it one.

I think I have come back stronger and more focused.

Now that the end is in sight there has been a definite shift in my perspective. I keep thinking, 'Wow, the bulk of this is behind me, what's another few days?'. That's the big thought in my head, the little thought is the same it's been all along - little by little, step by step - I only take it two hours at a time. That makes it feel like anything is possible.

I would like to do more juicing this week. I haven't been doing as much as I had hoped to and I think it will benefit me to get more of those healthy green vegetables into my system without grazing like a cow all day. So, I'll juice.

I just read an article about doing a 36 day juice fast. Wow, I thought 40 days raw was tough, can you imagine only doing juice? I'm not tough enough for that yet.

Another observation this week is that my nails look fantastic. I've always been blessed with strong nails, but the the past few years they have been more brittle than usual. This week I've noticed how strong and healthy they look. And, they are growing like weeds, which in the nail department is a good thing.

I have definitely deviated from the menu. I just got tired of weighing, slicing, blending, chopping, mixing, mashing and everything else. The advantage of this is that I have eaten simple meals and less of them. The disadvantage is that I still need to be vigilant about getting a range of nutrients.

I am more aware of the taste of simple food. This is very exciting for me. When I first went raw, I noticed that so much of what we eat is heavily salted and sugared that everything else starts to taste bland. I had to spice things up with interesting raw dressings and sauces. Now, I still use dressing, but I am more able to taste the different and subtle flavours in the natural foods.

In the meantime, I'll keep counting down to the big numero UNO!

DAY 7... Rain and hot chocolate

Before I get to the hot chocolate, did you see the number in the title?

7 to be exact ..... I'm well into single digits, only 1 more week to go. I can hardly believe it.

When I began this, 40 days sounded like the biggest number in the world. A number that I might never succeed in reaching. It felt like being asked to count to 100 when you are a little kid and your brain can't quite figure out how to get there. And, no matter how hard you try you always get stuck around 20-something because counting to 100 seems like the hardest thing in the world. It is so far away, and so difficult, and the obstacle of three digits seems insurmountable.

That's how 40 felt a few weeks ago. And now, I'm down to a single digit and I feel like I can just see the finish line in the foggy distance. A finish line towards which I am hurtling myself at a ferocious speed.

That being said, it's pouring today. There has been nothing but driving rain since I first opened my eyes this morning. Oh, and grey skies. Rain and grey skies.

I've already been out for two sopping wet walks with my exercise partner. She enjoyed it, I didn't. She doesn't mind being wet, I do.

And now, all I want is a nice big mug of hot chocolate. A big mug I can warm my hands around while I sit next to the fire and watch the rain pour down outside.

Peppermint tea with blue agave just doesn't have the same ring to it does it? But it will have to do. I'm not giving up now silly.

DAY 8... Things happen

When you wake up. Isn't it funny how sometimes we don't see things that are right in front of us. We can be experiencing them every day and for some reason are completely blind to what is going on.

That happened to me this week. Now, I'm going to blame it on a 4 day migraine. Well, that's my excuse, but the reality is I just had my eyes shut.

You see, I figured after I got through week one and definitely week two of this raw food challenge, that it would be plane sailing. I don't know why, but I just had it all figured out in my head that those would be the tough weeks and if I survived them, then it would be easy as pie.

Yes, I was totally delusional. Weeks one and two were relatively easy. Surprisingly easy. Perhaps it was because I had worked myself into such a frenzy about this whole thing. Maybe it was just the adrenaline pushing or pulling me through. Nevertheless, I got rather smug.

Then I hit week three. Boy, that one was a toughie. I can't put my finger on what it was. Weird cravings, a deep desire for something solid - trust me, salad does not feel solid after a while - the need for anything going into my mouth to be warm. All these odd things, made it hard to focus.

But, today I woke up.

It's like a veil was lifted from my eyes and I realise that for the past week I've been eating the same very very (trust me when I said 'very' the first time) basic salad for dinner and a simple salad for lunch. I haven't bothered with all the menu meals. I've been eating really small portions and not feeling like I need much of anything.

It suddenly seems easy again. And, for some reason I didn't even notice.

DAY 9 ... Everything makes a difference

When I woke up this morning, with an-almost-clear-head - I say almost, because the migraine is lingering ever so slightly - I thought about the starfish foundation and the story that started it all. It's a story about the difference you can make and how even if you can't save or help everything, saving just one starfish makes a difference to that starfish. If you haven't read the story, you can see it here http://www.rogerknapp.com/inspire/starfish.htm

It got me thinking about this journey of raw.

There are many times on this road that I have questioned whether this is worth it (of course I know it is, but you know how sometimes your chattering monkey mind makes you doubt the obvious?). I have questioned whether I have the strength and determination to stick with this (apparently so far I do!). I have questioned whether this is sustainable (I think it is, but you have to arrange your life differently and I'll talk about this another time). I have questioned whether it is making enough of a difference (duh! obvious, but you know, I want instant gratification just like the rest of you).

Basically I have doubts. I know they are totally unfounded, but that doesn't stop them creeping into my brain some times. I know that what I am doing is right for me, but that knowledge does not necessarily make it any easier.

Nevertheless, thinking of the starfish story made me think about the difference I'm making. I'm making a difference for me, and for me, that makes all the difference. I just have to keep going, one step at a time.

(Photo - mine)

DAY 10 ... A thousand apologies

Because I'm on day two of this clunker. Yup, the mega migraine I spoke about yesterday. Instead of getting better, it is so much worse.

Somehow it's wedged itself in my brain and I can't get it out. The butterflies just keep getting bigger and flapping their wings louder.

Again, I will retire to a quiet and dark space with nothing but the sound of my breath for company. And, I will dream of feeling the serenity you can see in this picture. A thousand apologies.

(Photo - mine)